I was taking the train yesterday morning at about 8.30am. It was crowded. I haven’t taken the train at this hour for a long time as I normally set my meetings at 10am to avoid the peak hour crowd.

Walking through the crowd reminded me of my past life, where I would head to the office every morning. Granted I didn’t have a normal office job where I had to go to the office. But the routine helped me, because having a routine kept me alive during those darkest years of depression.

I have been thinking about getting work, mainly because I’m bored. But every time I see a job opening, my heart sinks to my stomach and I think, “I don’t want to do this.”

Am I being picky? Probably.

But I like to think that I’m also being true to myself, listening to myself. I know myself and I know that I’m not suited to certain roles.

I am at my best when I have freedom and autonomy. I don’t like rules, I don’t like authority. But I can and will follow a leader I respect, for a cause I believe in. And if I don’t believe in or understand why I’m doing something, I won’t be able to do it properly.

I am also at my best when in a role where I can exercise my creativity. I realised today that this is very important. Without being able to exercise my creativity, I feel dead inside.

Then there’s also the learning factor. I have to be constantly learning in any work that I do. Fortunately I learn best by doing, so I can do almost any job, at least initially or for short term.

I applied for job that will require me to work over Chinese New Year. It’s short sprint, 3 hectic days. I think I can manage it.

I don’t really need the money as of now, but I thought the pay was pretty good, especially I hate the social mingling of Chinese New Year period. This would allow me to get out of meeting people.

Plus, it sounded fun, and I would suppose that’s the main reason to take this on.

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